Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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