yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
