considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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