When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
