Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
