why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
