I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
