Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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