Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can I color on your dick again?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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