Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
