just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
