woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
