It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
