I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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