I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
