Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
