Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
