Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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