i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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