her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
