I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
