if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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