this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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