Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
