I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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