So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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