so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
