My friends, they love my intelligence
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Randomize
