So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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