but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
