yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
