The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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