He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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