wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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