just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
