theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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