i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
