this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
