Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
