I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
