dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
