We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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