A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will be naked everywhere
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
