My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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