So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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