So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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