This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
