You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
