Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we're so committed to being not committed
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