I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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