woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
