Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
