You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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