Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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