Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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