Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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