just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
