I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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