Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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