Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
