break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
