you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
