I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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