There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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