Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
