I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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