Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
