We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
