New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
