Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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