my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
