Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize