When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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